The Mill on the Floss

Question for the day: why is flossing one's teeth such an anathema to so many people (including me)? It's not like it's difficult or painful or incredibly time-consuming--I just inexplicably hate doing it. Theories, anyone? My poor, neglected gums want to understand why I resist giving them the attention they deserve . . .

By the way . . . did anyone know that mill is slang for "fight" or "overcome?" I give you leave to admire my literary double-entendre! ;-)

The Great Soulmate Debate

During lunch with a single friend this weekend, she shared that she'd been to a recent seminar about how to attract one's "soulmate." She was enthused by what she'd learned there, and felt that she was now open to more dating possibilities. She said that the presenter described a soulmate as the "one person in the world meant for you", and that they'd said you can find love outside of a relationship with your soulmate, but that it will never be as satisfying. She expressed excitement at the prospect of having a relationship with someone about whom she'd have "no doubts" - someone so desirable that she'd feel incredibly lucky to be chosen by him.

I don't want to discourage her or sound like I have all the answers (don't I wish!), but I'm worried that the entire premise of such a "soulmate" is misleading . . .

I've had several experiences with love (always beginning with a healthy dose of infatuation) in which I was absolutely certain - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that I had found my "soulmate." Eventually, those relationships ended, and I had to face the fact that I was entirely wrong about how well-suited we were for each other. I began to revise my thinking about what constitutes a healthy and lasting relationship, and how such a relationship is fostered.

Enter Peter. We'd been friends for years - since college days - and I believed that I would never be physically attracted to him. Not that he's not good-looking (I'm happy to say that he is!) - I just didn't think he was my "type" (my "type" apparently being self-absorbed jerks who didn't value me). So he was out of the dating picture as far as I was concerned. But when he re-entered my life we hung out together as friends for months, seeing each other as often as 2-3 times a week.

When I felt the first stirrings of physical attraction, my first reaction was "Dear God! There must be something wrong with me! I'm attracted to PETER!" After some reflection (and a couple of Xanax - jk!), I realized that in those months we'd spent together, he had become my closest friend. I loved his quick wit, his intellectual curiosity, his commitment to self-improvement and his loyalty to those he loves. I had come to trust and respect him - and slowly, quietly, to love him for the wonderful individual he was/is. And I knew in my heart that he loved me, too. Ironic (and perhaps lucky) that it wasn't until our friendship was well-grounded and that love was already growing in my heart that the infatuation finally decided to show up!

Though the infatuation has long since faded (not the passion! *wink, wink*), I love him more now than ever - and I do feel incredibly lucky that he chose me.

Here is where the debate begins . . . how does one know beyond a shadow of a doubt that someone is "the one person in the world meant for them?" My concern is that this theory invalidates good relationships by suggesting that if one of the persons involved experiences doubt, or dissatisfaction with any aspect of the relationship (which I think must happen at some point in even the healthiest of relationships), they must be with the wrong person, and encouraging what could be a fruitless and damaging search for "the one" who will fulfill all of their dreams.

My own theory is that there are many potential "soulmates" for each person, and the trick is to learn to accept each other as flawed human beings and to choose every day to love, support and encourage each other through the joys and heartaches of life. I honestly believe that shared values and dreams built on a foundation of trust and friendship are the ultimate criteria for a happy and lasting marriage - which means that (theoretically, at least) more than one person could fit the bill. I think that the most important thing is for both persons to be wholly committed to investing the every-day energy that a healthy relationship requires: really listening when the beloved speaks, setting aside "quality time" to spend together, choosing to ignore a behavior that annoys you, resisting the urge to bite their head off when you've had a rough day . . . you get the idea.

I didn't "find" my soulmate, I chose him - and I intend to go on choosing him in times of uncertainty and dissatisfaction as well as in times of unquestioning joy and fulfillment . . .

OK (*climbing off soapbox*), you've had my two cents' worth. Time for you to weigh in!

Sunset Swirl

We had the most amazing sunset last night - through our picture windows it looked positively surreal, like the backdrop for a play. Just wanted to share a little beauty from our corner of the world . . .

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." - Psalm 19:1

The Emmy Update

As I sleepily stumbled into the living room with Emmy in my arms on the morning of January 12 (her second birthday), I looked out the big picture windows and did a double-take. Why was everything white? Could that be snow?! Amazingly, it was. Flakes were falling softly, dancing in the air, and about an inch and a half had accumulated on our lawn, roof, cars, etc. I laughed aloud with delight, and immediately bundled Emmy up and went outside. Unfortunately, our camera battery had died earlier that week and we'd been unable to locate the charger, so the only way I could capture photos was with my cell phone--and I have no way to download them. So you'll just have to take my word for it that it was magical. Here's a photo taken from our home later that same day - the snow is already melted in the low-lying areas, but it still majestically crowns the mountain tops.

To celebrate the big day, Peter and I had planned an open house for close friends and family, and served some of Emmy's favorite foods - guacamole & chips, fresh fruit, Cheezits, veggies & dip and pigs in a blanket, as well as the obligatory cake and ice cream. Though seating was limited, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, especially the guest of honor, who suspected the moment people started to arrive that this occasion was all about her, and was delighted to find out that her suspicions were well-founded. The look of ecstatic joy on her face when Auntie Shari arrived the bouquet of balloons we'd ordered, the way she delightedly screamed and ran away upon seeing each new visitor (Uncle Joel is a superstar!), and the big, bashful smile on her face when everyone sang "Happy birthday to you!" were priceless. She tolerated the cake, but loved the ice cream, and the Thomas the Tank Engine ride-along she got from G'pa Ray and G'ma Gail was a huge hit. In spite of all the great gifts she'd received, she seemed to have the most fun playing with the balloons, soaking up attention from the adults, and running through the house screaming with Erin and Jamie. All in all, it was a very successful birthday party.

A week after her birthday, Emmy went for her 2-year physical. From the moment she looked into the back office while we were checking in and spied a nurse, she knew what was about to happen, and was NOT a happy camper. It took almost the entire 1/2 hour that we had to wait in the examination room for me to get her to calm down. She was better for the doctor than in times past (perhaps it's starting to sink in that the doc isn't who she needs to be afraid of!), but as soon as the nurse came back in, she panicked again. Fortunately there was only one shot and a little toe prick, so the torture didn't last long. As the nurse exited the room, in the midst of hysterical tears and heart-rending sobs, Emmy screamed out a raw, high-pitched "buh-BYE!" Needless to say, I got a big kick out of that one. :)

So . . . for those of you who care, she's now average height and still a little underweight, "so she's just perfect" to quote Dr. Mailander. We're not to worry about her speech--the doc doesn't think she's "delayed" - just not in a hurry. If she's not using at least three word sentences by 2-1/2 years, then we can start worrying again (if we feel so inclined). In the meantime, I'm enjoying all the adorable babbling and her unique attempts at words. In the last week or two, she's started saying "ni-NI!" (her version of "Night-night!")--she's never used the "n" sound before, so that was cool.

She still loves musical instruments, and bangs on just about any available surface with her drumsticks. Among her birthday gifts from Mommy and Daddy were a plastic recorder and a very realistic-looking toy violin and bow. The recorder came with a cleaning tool, which Emmy seems to prefer "playing" to the actual instrument. She has a love/hate relationship with the violin--it only makes a sound when you create a circuit by hitting at least two strings at once on the violin with the bowstring, which she can't always manage to do, and that frustrates her to no end. She's getting better at it these days, so we think that love will win out--but you never know. She also enjoys trying on Mommy or Daddy's shoes whenever she gets a chance . . .

After freezing overnight temperatures the last few weeks, we're now experiencing record highs (it was 89 today!). Emmy is enjoying being outdoors in this wonderful weather, whether it's smelling the flowers on Grandma jean's back porch or playing with the fountain outside Starbucks with Mommy and Auntie Gayle.

Why I'm here

Just wanted to write a bit about why I felt inclined to start this blog. I was inspired by a site I happened across by chance, and then couldn't seem to stop reading - WonderGirl and the Sift (if you haven't already discovered this blog, it's definitely worth a read). I was delighted to find a kindred spirit online and decided that if she can find time for that level of writing with three kids and one on the way, then by golly, I can do it, too! Well, OK--maybe not as well as she can, but I'll give it the old college try!

I've been told that I have a gift for writing ever since the second grade, when for a creative writing assignment, I turned in the tragic tale of a piece of chewing gum from the moment he was unwrapped--chronicling his suffering as he was chewed and accidentally swallowed, his fascinating journey through the human digestive tract, and his eventual emergence into a large, white porcelain receptacle and finally (*flush*), the sewer system. Yes, dear readers, I went there--much to my shame. But my teacher (God bless her!) loved it, and encouraged me to keep writing.

So here I am. I'll bet you can't WAIT to read more! ;-)

My definition . . .

Lorelei -- [adjective]: Banshee-like 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com