Sexual Orientation - Free Will and Grace

You're entering dangerous, politically-charged territory here, so readers beware! If you don't like controversy, don't touch this one with a ten-foot pole . . . but if you enjoy discussion and debate, pull up a chair and read awhile.

I've been recently involved in a discussion with a dear friend who feels called to minister to people who suffer from what she calls Same Sex Attraction. She herself was a victim of the most abhorrent sexual abuse you can imagine from her earliest years, and has lately come to the conclusion that any person living a homosexual lifestyle can be healed from SSA through Christ and live a healthy, happy heterosexual life. Below is my take on the subject:

I feel there’s a distinction between true homosexuality and homosexual behavior. I happen to disagree with the premise that experiencing homosexual desires (or Same Sex Attraction) is a choice. I also feel that it’s dangerous to apply anecdotal information to a population and claim that because one person (or even thousands of persons) managed to successfully transition from a homosexual lifestyle to a heterosexual one, it means that anyone who does not achieve that feat has “chosen” not to.

I truly believe that some people are simply born with “the wrong plumbing,” so to speak. I have several close gay friends whom I believe were born that way – one of whom I’ve known since childhood. Without exception, they tried desperately to fit in and be “normal,” though from an early age it was apparent to them and to others that they were “different.” Throughout high school and even college, they dated women, and tried to rationalize their homosexual attractions and encounters as part of a normal friendship between men, as being gay was simply unthinkable. These men each had a firm belief in and fostered a strong relationship with God. They had a healthy prayer life, studied the Bible, attended church regularly and went to church schools. They came from loving Christian homes (two of them are pastor's kids!).

One of these men has been one of my dearest friends for many years. I personally witnessed his struggle to deny what was obvious to others since he was a child but was not even a possibility in his mind until he was in his 20’s. Eventually he rejected his faith (for intellectual reasons) and attended a non-Christian school, and only after leaving the Christian belief system behind was he able to admit to himself—let alone to others—that he was, and had always been, homosexual. It is actually really sad to me that he could not accept his sexual identity within the context of his Christianity – that choice was simply not made available to him. With the exception of the Episcopalians, the Christian Church has largely made it clear that there is no place for homosexuals within its ranks.

There’s another group of people who have been victims of sexual abuse at an early age which led to sexual confusion and/or rebellion against heterosexuality – and yet another group who get their rocks off doing what’s perceived “forbidden” or taboo and choose to indulge in non-heterosexual behavior simply for the thrill of it. I believe that these two groups can definitely find healing and achieve a happy, heterosexual lifestyle. But in my opinion, expecting people who have been born homosexual to lead a heterosexual lifestyle is like asking a normal heterosexual man to decide to become a homosexual – or worse, like asking a person born without a limb to just have faith and pray, and it will be restored. These folks can no more choose not to be gay than Stevie Wonder could choose not to be blind or I could choose not to be Caucasian.

Sin has resulted in some nasty consequences. Things on earth are not as they were originally designed to be – children aren’t always born healthy and whole, good people and bad suffer alike from horrible illnesses. Tragedy strikes the innocent and the guilty. All of us fall short of the ideal that God had in mind when He created us. While I acknowledge that God is powerful enough to heal any disease or rescue anyone from death, the fact is that He doesn’t heal or rescue everyone (at least not in this lifetime!). And I’m sorry, but I just can’t believe that children die from cancer because they don’t have enough faith in God to heal them – or that innocent people die ghastly deaths because they didn’t pray hard enough or have enough trust in God to save them.

That said, I recognize that desires and actions are two different things, and that while desires may not be altered, actions certainly can. And yet it also seems clear to me that I’m not really qualified to make a judgment call on that – provided that we’re talking consenting adults, I feel that it’s best left between the individual(s) and God.

My greatest comfort comes in knowing that our God is loving, and full of grace and mercy. He knows our struggles intimately, and can read the depths of each soul – and He chooses to save each one of us in spite of our sinful, imperfect selves.

As Paul stated so eloquently in Romans 8:33-39: “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

OK, I've had my say - now it's your turn to weigh in. What do YOU think?